Taking the Hobbits to Isengard
by Aragorn II Elessar
Summary: Gandalf has asked Aragorn and Legolas to interrogate Gollum to see what he has told Sauron. The two convince Lord Celeborn to help them along with a band of elvish musicians. There is only one way he will tell them. Pure crack fic!


**Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings or anything associated with it. I do not own the Youtube videos and song lines on which this fic is based either.**

 **I'm a huge LOTR fan. Books and movies both.**

 **So, this idea came to me when I watched this video called 'taking the hobbits to Isengard' by Youtuber Aaron Hardbarger though the original one was made by a guy called Erwin Beekveld and uploaded on a site called ALBINO BLACKSHEEP. I also used lines of Warp Zone's recap rap of The Lord of the Rings.**

 **This was purely done for entertainment purposes. It's a crack fic. Nothing makes sense here and its not supposed to be taken seriously.**

Legolas looked at the creature known as Gollum. He had been asked by the wizard Gandalf the Grey to interrogate him.

But he could not do it alone. He needed help. The one who came to help him was Aragorn, son of Arathorn, also known as the ranger Strider. And after a lot of request and begging, Lord Celeborn himself had come to help the ranger and the elf-prince in this task.

There was an entire band of elven musicians to help them with the task.

"Gollum!" said Legolas, causing the creature to look at him, "You hate everything that is beautiful, graceful and melodious. Now you will be made to listen to such things till you tell us everything you told the Dark Lord."

"What is it going to do to us, precious?" muttered Gollum, "What's it going to do?"

And then the elven musicians started playing a beautiful tune that caused Gollum a lot of discomfort. That tune would remind anyone of the Shire and the Hobbits in it.

And then Legolas sang- _"They're taking the hobbits to Isengard."_

Aragorn glanced at him momentarily, as he liked this song. Gollum was already trying to cover his ears.

Legolas continued to sing-

 _They're taking the hobbits to Isengard_

 _They're taking the hobbits to Isengard_

 _They're taking the hobbits to Isengard_

 _They're taking the hobbits to Isengard_

 _They're taking the hobbits to Isengard_

 _They're taking the hobbits to Isengard , gard, gard, gard_

 _They're taking the hobbits to Isengard , gard, gggard, gard_

 _They're taking the hobbits to Isengard._

 _They're taking the hobbits to Isengard_

 _They're taking the hobbits to Isengard_

"What did you say?" asked Gollum in his curiosity.

 _The hobbits to, hobbits to, hobbits to, hobbits to Isengard. To Isengard_

 _The hobbits to, hobbits to, hobbits to, hobbits to Isengard. To Isengard_

 _The hobbits to, hobbits to, hobbits to, hobbits to Isengard. To Isengard_

 _They're taking the hobbits to Isengard, gggard, gard_

And then the musicians changed the tune. This tune would make anyone think of a bunch of warriors who had been given an important, secret task. These warriors had a bond of fellowship.

Now Aragorn sung with this tune for a while-

 _Lord of the Rings_

 _It is all about bros helping bros_

 _Tell your bros "come and sing"_

 _They will not be opposed, they're your bros_

Gollum covered his ears and screamed in agony.

And then Lord Celeborn sung-

 _Tell me where is Gandalf for I much desire to speak with him_

 _Tell me where is Gandalf for I much desire to speak with him_

Then Legolas sang again-

 _A Balrog of Morgoth_

"What did you say?" asked Gollum.

 _A Balrog of Morgoth_

"What did you say?"

 _They're taking the hobbits to Isengard_

"Stupid fat hobbits!" yelled Gollum in his misery.

 _They're taking the hobbits to Isengard_

"Stupid fat hobbits!"

 _They're taking the hobbits to Isengard_

 _They're taking the hobbits to Isengard_

 _They're taking the hobbits to Isengard_

"Stupid fat hobbits!" yelled Gollum again and when the singing didn't stop, he yelled in his misery, "Stop nasty elves! Gollum will tell them what he told the nasty creatures."

At that moment, the singing stopped.

Turning to Lord Celeborn, Legolas bowed and said, "We thank you for your help, Lord Celeborn. You have helped us a lot today, so a feast will be hosted in your honor tonight."

"I am honored to be your guest, Prince Legolas", said Lord Celeborn.

"The honor is ours, Lord Celeborn", said Legolas.

As Lord Celeborn was escorted to the palace by the guards, Aragorn and Legolas turned to Gollum.

"Now, Gollum", said Aragorn, "You will tell us everything we ask you or the song will be played again."

"We be nice to them if they be nice to us", said Gollum, who did not desire to hear such melody again, "We will tell them everything we knows."

* * *

 **So that's it. Finished completely. I did this purely for fun. I hope you liked this though I am not counting on it. The actual videos are a lot funnier. I just used the songs for this premise.**

 **You should watch the actual videos. They can be easily found on Youtube. There is even a video by Peter Jackson of Orlando Bloom himself singing the 'taking the hobbits to Isengard' song.**

 **So what do you think? Did you find it funny? Did you find it cringeworthy? Do you want to kill me for this? All reviews are welcome, including constructive criticism. But no insults or actual death threats.**

 **Just in case, if you are familiar with the TV shows called Daredevil and Arrow, based on the Marvel and DC characters respectively, I have a crossover fic on them and I would love your opinion on it. Only if you want to read it. It's an actual story, not a crack fic.**


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